Love
is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world
of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.
You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly
how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you
down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect
so much that you feel entirely, utterly defeated when something doesn’t
exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a
plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end
or visible finish line to those deeply in it.
Love is so incredibly messy.
People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why
you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain,
because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of
insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and
painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you
don’t learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of
ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are
complete and utter idiots about it.
Love isn’t him calming you down
when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back
at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It
isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your
relationship appear more presentable.
It’s after a long fight, that
drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up
at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right
things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her
caressing your hair and telling you that everything’s going to be
alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you
are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one
involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of
another person’s hand and said “here. Do what you will. Mash it into
mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.”
It makes us crazy. It makes us
invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because
love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about
the future. It’s about scaring the crap out of every nerve in our body,
but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears
and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a lot better than being
100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of
difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.
Life is a challenge, and so is
love. Things never come easy in life; if they do, memories are rare,
suffering won’t get you through the tough times, there’s nothing to look
back on. There’s no mistakes that you learn from. In the end, it’s all
worth it.
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